A girl was runnnig after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?"
Following her down the street her husband yelled,
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"No, jump in!"
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Tom, Dick and Harry went to a party. After the party they returned to the hotel. The hotel was 600 stories high.
Unfortunately for them, the elevator was not working. They made a plan for the first 200 stories, Tom will crack jokes.
The second 200 stories Dick will tell a happy story and lastly Harry will tell a sad story.They then started up the steps
After 2 hours it was Harry's turn. He turned to the other two and said "Ok guys, here's my sad story. I forgot the keys downstairs.
Following her down the street her husband yelled,
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.
.
.
.
.
"No, jump in!"
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Tom, Dick and Harry went to a party. After the party they returned to the hotel. The hotel was 600 stories high.
Unfortunately for them, the elevator was not working. They made a plan for the first 200 stories, Tom will crack jokes.
The second 200 stories Dick will tell a happy story and lastly Harry will tell a sad story.They then started up the steps
After 2 hours it was Harry's turn. He turned to the other two and said "Ok guys, here's my sad story. I forgot the keys downstairs.
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A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved.
They boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.
The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?”
They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?"
The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"
The youngest brother gasped for breath and replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time dude. God is missing and they think WE did it!"
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"What are you going to be when you graduate?"
"An old man."
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Wife: Why are you home so early?
Husband: My boss told me to go to hell.
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"What did you do before you married him?"
"Anything I wanted to."
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Man to super hot Air Hostess:
What’s ur name?
Air hostess: Eva Benz.
Man: Lovely name, any relation with Mercedes Benz?
Air hostess, Smiling: “Same price“
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A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decided to test it at dinner:
Dad: Son where were you today during school hours?
Son: At school (robot slaps son)……
Son: Okay I went to the movies!
Dad: Which one?
Son: Harry Potter (robot slaps again!)
Son: Okay I was watching porn.
Dad: What? When I was your age I didn’t even know what porn was! (robot slaps dad)
Mom: Hahahahaha! After all he is your son! (robot slaps mom).
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A 90 year man goes to Doctor…
Old man: My 18 year wife is pregnant, your opinion doctor?
Dr: Let me tell you a story....A hunter in a hurry, grabs an umbrella instead of gun. He moves in to the jungle, sees a lion, lifts the umbrella, pulls the handle & BANG..the lion drops dead.!
Old man: That’s impossible, someone else must have shot the lion.
Dr: EXACTLY ..!!!
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A man goes to his doctor and says, “I don’t think my wife’s hearing isn’t as good as it used to be. What should I do?” The doctor replies, “Try this test to find out for sure.
When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question, if she doesn’t respond keep moving closer asking the question until she hears you.”
The man goes home and sees his wife preparing dinner. He stands fifteen feet behind her and says, “What’s for dinner, honey?” He gets no response, so he moves to ten feet behind her and asks again. Still no response, so he moves to five feet. still no answer. Finally he stands directly behind her and says, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” She replies, “For the fourth time, I SAID CHICKEN
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3 monkeys escaped from the zoo
One was caught watching TV...
Another playing football...
And the third one...
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Are you sure you already know the answer
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No its not you...
Why do you always think you are a monkey?
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"Dad, I`m hungry."
"Hi, Hungry. I`m Dad."
"Dad, I`m serious."
"I thought you were Hungry?"
"Are you kidding me?"
"Nope, I`m Dad."
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