Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates - Who can buy the world

Insult/Swear words in 1800's style

Shortest Joke

A patient goes to see a doctor

Doctor: How is your headache?
Patient: She's fine.

What is Deja vu?

Deja Vu: When God thinks something is so funny, he has to rewind it and show it to his friends.

Top 15 Pick up Lines

1) "If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?" 



2) I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment? 



3) "I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?" 

4)  "Either way, I'm going to have you tonight, so you might as well be there."

5) "Excuse me, I'm a little short on cash. Mind if we shared a cab home?"

6) "Lets do breakfast tomorrow. Should I call you or nudge you?" 



7) "I love every bone in your body, especially mine." 

8) "Sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up!" 

9) "Sorry, I thought you were someone else, by the way, here's my card."   


10)  "Fuck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Cindrella?"

11)I know a great way to burn off the 300 calories in that pastry you just ate. 

12)"Take an icecube to the bar, smash it and say: "Now that I've broken the ice, will you sleep with me?" 

13)Nice to meet you, I'm John and you are...gorgeous!

14)Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?   

15)If I followed you home, would you keep me?  

Halloween Idea from Pepsi

How lazy can you be?

Romantic SMS!!!

 I am on a mission:
 Mission to avoid you,
 to forget you, 2 get rid of you,
 2 not 2 talk with you or meet u,
 You know what my mission name is-
 MISSION IMPOSSIBLE!! 

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Let`s share the world.
A sea is for you, and waves are for me.
The sky is for you, and stars are for me.
The sun is for you, and light is for me.
Everything is for you, and you are for me...

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Relationship doesn't get closer by meetings, but it is sweetend by THOUGHTS. I care for you in my own STRANGE ways. Maybe you will never know,  Maybe I will never show.. 
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I ask God for a rose n he gave me flowers;
I ask God for water n he gave me an ocean;
I ask God for an angel n he gave me the best luv ever! 
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Every time 

I miss you, a star falls.
So if you ever look up at the sky and the stars are gone,
its because you made me miss you too much! 
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Best & Most Selected One Liners

• My girlfriend is like my iPad...I don`t have an iPad.
• Don't flatter yourself sweet heart. The only fan you got is on the ceiling.
• Mario,I wasted my childhood to save your bitch.
• Save the planet!Kill yourself.
• Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
• Wise men talk because they have something to say;  fools, because they have to say something.
• You have kind eyes. The kind I'd like to poke out.  

Check out the "Best & Most Selected One Liners" Page for more...

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Brilliant computer message

Brilliant commenting

Chinese Translation Fail

Tricky Questions!!

1)First Question:
 You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What  position are you in?

 Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong!
 If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!

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  2) Try not to screw up in the next question.
  To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for the first question.

  Second Question: If you overtake the last person, then you are...?

  Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong  again.
  Tell me, how can you  overtake the LAST person?


  You're not very good at this are you?

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 3) Third Question: Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in your head
 only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.

Awesome and Funny T shirts Lines

Brilliant Insults

• Do you wanna lose ten pounds of ugly fat? Cut off your head 
• If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport! 
• I don't exactly hate you, but if you were on fire and I had water, I'd drink it. 
• Shock me, say something intelligent.
• I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my arse.    

Exam Fun

 The Best Insulting line written below a clock in an 

 Examination hall,

"Time Will Pass.. Will You..?"

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 A student grabs a coin, Flips it in the air & says,

"Head, I go to sleep. Tail, I watch a movie. If it stands on the edge I’ll study." 

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Meaning of "etc.." while writing answers in exam

"End of Thinking Capacity" 

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80% of the Questions in final exam is based upon one lecture you missed and one chapter you didn't study.

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The brain is the most outstanding organ. It works for 24 hours, 365 days, right from the birth, until you enter the exam hall.

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During the exam

(-_-) ....(<_<)....(-_-) ....(>_>)....(-_-).....(<_<)

And when teacher looks at you,

 (v_v)

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Truth of Girls Profile Pictures.

 What does a girl's profile pic tell you !!!?

1. If she is very beautiful with 1000's of friends, its fake.

2. Her profile pic has lovely Angelina Jolie on it, she is shy, ugly or both.

3. There is a guy in the pic along with her… she is already booked.

4. There are more than one girl in the pic…. she is most probably the ugliest one.

5. The pic is taken from a side angle of her face…. she is most probably fat.

6. The pic is taken from far away…. definitely not a fake profile, just try to zoom in with   
    your eye lenses to figure out more of her.

7. The pic is of a baby, cake, heart or any other stupid thing,… most probably a teen who  
    needs to grow up.

8. A pic with a ugly face…. click the back button as soon as you can before anyone 
    catches   you red handed.

9. A pic with a beautiful face and all profile info hidden… she is probably the one for you  
   … but don’t be so excited, she wont accept your friend request.


10. A pic with a guy’s face,…. ahem ahem wrong number. 

Naughty SMS!!!

CONGRATS.Your phone has been installed with a new puzzle game. To play,throw your phone against the wall.Then assemble the pieces....
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A girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.
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Always start your day with a lot of... S E X S - SMILE E - ENERGY X - XCITEMENT so make S E X a daily habit, and youll always Be SUCSEXFUL! in LIFE.
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Come here,take off urs pants and knickers, get on top of me, enjoy until u get satisfied, loving urs.....toilet!
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Lastnight I went to bed without you..cold,naked,thinking of you, missing your warmth, your soft touch against my skin. Where were you lastnight, my lovely pajamas.
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I really deeply wish that you are here with me in my room.on my bed & lights is off & we get under the cover together.. to show you my watch glow in the dark.
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He came at night, explored my body, got on top of me, touched me, he bit, sucked, 

swalowd, when he was satisfyed,  he left, I was hurt, BLOODY... MOSQUITO !!!!
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Very good!
Intelligent Huh!
Tomorrow we'll learn A-B-C-D ...
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oT TnAW T2UL I
+THpinboop YA2
!..2mA3rb T33w2
! .. niH)A2 2'rU
Confused ? Read it in a mirror.. Now...
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What is the height of Flirting?       
When your love letter starts with "TO WHOMSOEVER IT MAY CONCERN".
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 !@#$$##$$$^%&())+)*(&*&^%$#@@@#$$%^^^&&*(__(*&%$ ##@#&*&?"}::_+|+_)*(^%$##$% Oh sorry if you could't understand it. In fact this was Jackie Chan sms that I forwarded.
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This is your mobile operator. We can see that you are too dumb to use your mobile so please put it on the floor and start jumping on it .
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