Brilliant Insults
- Do you wanna lose ten pounds of ugly fat? Cut off your head
- If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport!
- I don't exactly hate you, but if you were on fire and I had water, I'd drink it.
- Shock me, say something intelligent.
- I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my arse.
Exam Fun
The Best Insulting line written below a clock in an Examination hall,
"Time Will Pass.. Will You..?"
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A student grabs a coin, Flips it in the air & says,
"Head, I go to sleep. Tail, I watch a movie. If it stands on the edge I’ll study."
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Meaning of "etc.." while writing answers in exam
"End of Thinking Capacity"
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80% of the Questions in final exam is based upon one lecture you missed and one chapter you didn't study.
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The brain is the most outstanding organ. It works for 24 hours, 365 days, right from the birth, until you enter the exam hall.
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During the exam
(-_-) ....(<_<)....(-_-) ....(>_>)....(-_-).....(<_<)
And when teacher looks at you,
(v_v)
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Wise Quotes
The world suffers a lot not because of the violence of bad people,
but because of silence of good people.
but because of silence of good people.
-Napoleon
I am thankful to all those who said no to me.
It because of them , I did it myself.
I am thankful to all those who said no to me.
It because of them , I did it myself.
-Einstein
A man is sitting at a bar and with a drink. Right as he is about to take a sip it a tall thug walks over and steals the drinks and chungs it down. The man sitting at the bar begins to cry heavily. The thug feels sorrys and says, "Now i cant stand to see a grown man cry, ill buy you another if it will make you feel beter." The man looks at him and say, "No its just that today has been the worst day of my life. My alarm clock went off late this morining so i was late to work. I tried to spead through traffic and crashed my car. By the time i finaly ot to work i was fired for being so late. I arrived home earlyier than usual and found my wife cheating on me with the gardner. I went to the bank to withdraw my money and leave my wife but my wife had beaten me to it. and finnaly i decided i was going to kill myself when some jackass walks over and just drinks my beer with my poison in it."
Funny but right answers
In which battle did Napoleon die?
His last battle.
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom of the page.
River Nile flows in which state?
Liquid.
What is the main reason for divorce?
Marriage.
What is the main reason for failure?
Exams.
What can you never eat for breakfast?
Lunch & dinner.
What looks like half an apple?
The other half.
If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
It will simply become wet.
How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?
No problem, he sleeps at night.
How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
You will never find an elephant that has only one hand.
If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ?
Very large hands.
If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
No time at all, the wall is already built.
How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.
His last battle.
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom of the page.
River Nile flows in which state?
Liquid.
What is the main reason for divorce?
Marriage.
What is the main reason for failure?
Exams.
What can you never eat for breakfast?
Lunch & dinner.
What looks like half an apple?
The other half.
If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
It will simply become wet.
How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?
No problem, he sleeps at night.
How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
You will never find an elephant that has only one hand.
If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ?
Very large hands.
If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
No time at all, the wall is already built.
How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.
Discoveries and Inventions by Men & Women
- Men discovered COLOURS and invented PAINT, Women discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP.
- Men discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION, Women discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP.
- Men discovered GAMBLING and invented CARDS, Women discovered CARDS and invented WITCHERY.
- Men discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD, Women discovered FOOD and invented DIET.
- Men discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE, Women discovered LOVE and invented MARRIAGE.
- Men discovered TRADING and invented MONEY, Women discovered MONEY and invented SHOPPING.
Thereafter Men have discovered and invented a lot of things While Women STUCK to shopping.
Best and Funniest Jokes 2
Tom, Dick and Harry went to a party. After the party they returned to the hotel. The hotel was 600 stories high.
Unfortunately for them, the elevator was not working. They made a plan for the first 200 stories, Tom will crack jokes.
The second 200 stories Dick will tell a happy story and lastly Harry will tell a sad story.They then started up the steps
After 2 hours it was Harry's turn. He turned to the other two and said "Ok guys, here's my sad story. I forgot the keys downstairs.
Unfortunately for them, the elevator was not working. They made a plan for the first 200 stories, Tom will crack jokes.
The second 200 stories Dick will tell a happy story and lastly Harry will tell a sad story.They then started up the steps
After 2 hours it was Harry's turn. He turned to the other two and said "Ok guys, here's my sad story. I forgot the keys downstairs.
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A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved.
They boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.
The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?”
They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?"
The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"
The youngest brother gasped for breath and replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time dude. God is missing and they think WE did it!"
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